been looking at cosmetic laser surgery. or this dermatix si gel stuff. i don't know if it would really work though. jesse said that it's just like makeup, it only hides, it doesn't help diminish. for almost sixty dollars, i would hope that it diminishes. i have ugly red, raised scars and i really want them gone.
i feel frustrated and confused today. i'm getting fed up with keeping people close to me who don't seem to serve a purpose. like jessica. she doesn't seem to serve a purpose in my life. all she does is bitch and complain about how shitty her life is and i sit there and go, "ah. i see. that sucks."
and ever since i saw jill yesterday and hung out with her in mcdonalds, i've had an urge to confront jessica. i mean, she needs someone to fucking tell her that her life is good and that she should stop fucking bitching all the time. she's a fucking hypochrondriac. except when you mention how there's always something wrong with her. then she's sure quick to say that her life is fine.
i just... can't deal with cancerous people anymore. i feel like they're infecting me. these soulless vampires, sucking out my happiness because they're incapable of seeing the joy that's apparent in everyday life.
i can't take it anymore.
and i mean, she knew all about my goddamn scars. did she say anything? anything to suggest that she cared? even a little bit?
of fucking course not.
she found out a year ago and ever since then, there's been no mention of them. even as the layers and layers of clothing covered them and gazillions of bracelets underneath the clothes started getting piled on, she didn't mention it. i mean, would it have killed her to stop being so goddamn self-absorbed and actually realize that someone she used to call her best friend is slowly dying on the inside?
i suppose so.
today is a shitty, depressing day. i feel like cutting but i doubt that i'd find a sharp enough blade in this house.
besides. i promised brenden that i wouldn't. and i won't go back on my word.
4:58 p.m. - 2005-04-03
Recent entries:
This is the last entry. - 2005-09-13
we're going to make like a tree - 2005-09-12
nice guys finish last - 2005-09-02
this is a test: are you going to pass it or fail it? - 2005-08-31
no matthews allowed - 2005-08-22
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